Leaning on my tree

Today I went to the park to stand in the sunglazed blue sky. I did a little chi kung. Stood for a while and felt the calm of the snow covered lake. And then I just leaned again the weeping willow with its golden leaves. when I felt the strength of that tree supporting me I suddenly realized how depleted of energy and strength I've become.
I've always considered the recommendation of doing the standing outside as not really important. For me what was important was to do it for long periods, or daily. But doing it outside brings an entirely different quality to the practice. A clear headedness that is difficult in my apartment. I feel a little bit of despair coming in here after the practice. But I know I'm going to use some of my energy to de clutter and dust Ben's room. I know that the outside will start soon to bleed into the inside. And I'll become a happier person and a better mother.

Day 5

Zhan Zhuang is very much about surrendering the magnificent energy that drives nature, the cosmos, growth and, yes, disintegration. Unlike most exercises, which are primarily about using effort to get energy, Zhuan Zhuang teaches you to tap into the energy that is already there, and is far more powerful than anything you can achieve on your own.

This week I'm going outside, even through the weather is almostly defiantly crappy. Today in Montreal an icy rain has covered all the sidewalks in a layer of danger. But it did mean that the park was empty. I stood in the cold rain, next to a tree and felt this huge, quiet, deeply cleansing energy that I can never really experience in my apartment.

I don't go outside enough. So my challenge this year is to cultivate an outdoors standing habit. Apparently if you stand near trees it's as good, better even, than any anti-depressant, and I'm feeling the need to do some serious brain cleaning.

Position three really helps with this. If position two is about the energy that enters the body through the heart, position four is about the brain. When I do this I actually feel my brain relaxing, almost cracking like a knucke. I feel sense of surrender and the universe just slowly flowing in and removing all the stress. Developing the desire for this relief is a large part of changing your psyche for the better and in a permanent way. And it's a wonderful remedy for brain lock.

iced pond

I don't go outside enough for my practice. I know, I'm self-conscious. Zhan Zhuang is weird, it's cold, etc. Lots of excuses to stay inside and breathe the same stale are that is not exactly brimming with bright chi in my house. So I'm making a commitment to do at least some standing outside every day in the lovely park near my house.

There's a beautifully landscaped man made pond there, with tall old trees. This morning it's starting to get cold, weather turning into winter. The pond is icing over. Last week I noticed duck waddling their way across the ice. They're gone now. Just seagulls now, with yellowing weeping willows. But the sun is bright and feels good and warm on my back no matter how bitterly it is cold.

second position

In the Way to Power Lam Kam Chuen says that chi is stored in the Tan Tien, but enters the body through the heart. He also says you cannot think your way into this practice, you need to feel it. Second position is about generating a feeling for chi kung, and through this feeling a love and committment. In first position I feel the energy start to flow through my body. I might feel it under my armpits and lifting my hands and arms gently. But in second position I feel it as a balloon of energy. I feel it as an external force, pressing gently against my chest, the same chest I once held my newborn son. Gently holding this balloon how can my emotions not begin to de stress, how can my heart not begin to feel gradually full. Get this feeling everyday and how can you not be assured that you can always find happiness, at least in this?

Day 4

As professor Yu says, the more you practice the better you feel. Zhan Zhuang really is that simple. Whenever I get back to it I can believe I ever stopped doing it. It's such a guaranteed deep mind boost. I do feel the silent laughter that he talks about, deep in my belly is still feel the deep tickle of energy in my Tan Tien.

So glad to be back.

my hypothesis

So I've had a hypothesis ever since I started this blog that Zhan Zhuang would lead me towards a good life. And not just a good life, but an amazing life. Because that's what an adventure should be, an experience of things that are amazing.

I still believe that, even though I keep letting go of my practice every time my life starts getting exciting. This is my challenge to maintain my practice through the exciting times. It's easy to take up my practice when my life has sunk into despair and I'm depleted of energy. The magnetic force that renews me is always there. But can I keep it up when I start to experience the high of success?

Maybe that's the wrong question. Will it still be there? Of course it is. This energy is always there. It never goes away. It is the essence of love. There.

But maybe that's why it's so important to take it slow. Even when all I want to do is stand. I need to take it slow and see how it slowly influences my decisions so that they lead to the kind of incremental success that doesn't blow itself up.

Day 3

In this segment, Professor Yu speaks about watching the marvels of change as we practice standing. I've found this to be true whenever I've remained committed to this practice, that I've witnessed changes in my body, connections to energy, feelings and alterations of consciousness that are beyond anything I could ever imagine.

Far more interesting that television, reading, even travel, although doing Zhan Zhuang does not exclude the doing of any of these things.

I hope this blog can be a record of my changes.

Today I feel the tingling of energy returning to my Tan Tien. I'm really enjoying the process of just observing energy in Wu Chi position. As the years go by I become more sensitive to the energy that flows through me just in the basic standing position. I wonder if the rewards of standing still are an evolutionary process. Those who can stand still do stand a better chance of survival, they make less noise, they can blend in to the forest. They can observe and have a better sense of what's around them. They have the discipline of being quiet. These amazing feelings that flow through us, are these rewards for developing this survival skill?

Day 2

I agree with the students that one of the challenges for people who practice Standing is that it's so unusual and people think you're weird. After years of experiencing its benefits, I'm over that problem. But I do wish that standing were more common. For me, as a single mother, who can't really find the time to go to classes, the hardest thing has been maintaining this practice without a community.

At the same time, it would be difficult to keep it up if I didn't have a high tolerance for solitude. I'm a writer. Solitude is the foundation of my career. So it makes sense that I would choose a physical practice that would cross-train with that skill, as it were. Community it important, but you do probably have to have a strong sense of self to keep this up. And I believe it's helped me to build a stronger sense of self.

Stand Still Be Fit

Just discovered this today, the ten day video of Lam Kam Chuen's program. I'm resisting urge to watch them all in one sitting. Mostly because I've been realizing that one of the problems I have in maintaining this practice is that I'm not starting slow enough anymore. In the past that has always been the key to sticking with it, starting out slow and allowing the urge to develop on its own. So right now I'm just going to stick with the wu chi position, enjoying the simple feeling of natural healing instead of striving for mind altering energy shots, and allowing and trusting that healing to chart its own path.

The Simple Plan

I've been reading another book about power by Thich Nhat Hanh. The foundation of power, the very first building block in his book is Faith. I've been struggling the last day trying to make myself believe I can do things that for whatever reason right now I don't believe I can do. Slowly over the last day I've whittled myself down to the one thing I do believe in, the one thing I've believed in for years. Standing. I believe if I take the time to stand everyday, if I make it the foundation of my life I will have all the energy and power I need to accomplish the things that need to be accomplished in my life. I will have the diligence, which is the memory of what works an the continuting to do it. I will have the mindfulness, which grows out of the stillness of this practice and becomes a natural urge through this stillness. And the concentration will grow out of the mindfulness, and the insight will grow out of the concentration.

Yes I can get up early every morning to stand. But the most important thing in this plan is to just stand, everyday, throughout the day, whenever I need it. Standing needs to be my default practice, not watching t.v. not eating, not internet surfing. Standing. That is freedom for me. That is the path towards everything I really want out of life.

It is the science of abundance. Know that you will get what you need, be deeply grateful for what you have and what you will get.